Flipping the Proverbial Coin (Decisions, decisions…)

 

The best advice I have ever received  about making decisions was to pray about it.

This post was actually originally written just before Christmas 2014 when I had no job and had been living out of a suitcase for three months…

Let me take you back in time…

December 2014:

On the Brain: I think Kate Bush’s 1989 The Sensual World album is better than Taylor Swift’s 2014 1989 album. Looks like the era did itself better. Sorry, 2014/5.

You know how whenever you need to make a decision, and really need to, your brain feels like cotton wool and you suddenly wish you were someone else so you can give yourself the good advice you know you have somewhere?

So, Pros/Cons list:

Pros of Staying in Liverpool:

– I like it here. I’ve got to know the city on my own terms. I’ve got to know it as an adult and I think that’s a pretty special relationship I don’t have with the lovely Guildford, Surrey.

– My friends are here. A good chunk of my uni friends live in Liverpool/nearby and getting on with life, and it’s so good to have them around.

– Liverpool’s a weird name. Pools of liver. Liver pool. I live in the city that calls itself Liverpool. I really really like that.

– I can be useful in my church here, and I already have established areas where I am useful here. I’m not entirely sure where I can be as useful in my church back in Guildford and will have to work at it.

– I like the independence of being here in Liverpool. For example I’ve just invited a friends round for dinner tonight. It’s so nice to be able to have that freedom – just inviting someone round and cooking for them. I can’t be quite as flexible in my parent’s house in Guildford, Surrey.

– I WILL MISS IT LIKE CRAZY.

Cons of Staying in Liverpool

– I have no money.

– I have no money for food.

– I like food.

– I like food SO MUCH.

– I miss my cat.

– I’ve been living out of a suitcase for four months and it’s just not so cool and boho any more. I miss my speakers and radio and books and Starbucks mug. I’ve not moved out and I’ve not moved on, and with all the life skills I’ve accumulated over the past 3-4 years I’d like to use the confidence that comes with them rather than waste my energy on a frantic quick-find-a-job-before-I-starve mindset. In that headspace it’s really hard to make decisions concerning the prioritising of where I want to go in life.

– I keep referring to Guildford as ‘back home’.

So. That was me flipping the proverbial coin. The result: I’m going to move back in with my parents in T-minus four days.

Back to The Future (2017):

My conclusion about decision-making when there doesn’t seem to be a definite right decision is; there’s either something emotional getting in the way, or there’s something wrong with your current situation and you need a big change to shake things up so you can see things clearer. 

Basically, I didn’t like that I didn’t have enough ties to Liverpool to make staying an obvious decision – I didn’t have roots or a real life there, I was STAYING there. That was hard to acknowledge. I also realised I didn’t like that I thought staying where I was (away from home) meant I was automatically independent and put-together. Being away from home does not mean that! It just means you happen to be in a different geographical location… 

So I decided to make a change and move home for some food/perspective. (Food weighs heavily with me.)

All the best with all your decisions! My best advice for you: Pray about it. 

Love to you! x